Ah, this sordid tale....it's really more humorous when told verbally. Here, you miss the facial expressions of horror and bemusement!
Anyway, I continued this odd relationship for about 4 months. It usually went something like this:
I email him (note: sample template email - not exact wording of course!) : "Hi. How are you? How is work? Are you still working on the XYZ project? My work is bla, bla. Want to come over for dinner Friday?"
No response. Then two weeks later, he emails: "Want u. Miss u. XOXO" Then he would show up and bang on the door at some random time - might be during the day, might be at night. If it was during the day, I was at work - but I would hear about it from my daughter.
"Mommy! KM came by. He banged on the door for 10 minutes!"
If he came over at night, we would all (he, I, daughter) go for a walk around the neighborhood - off to Don Quixote, random stores, etc. At the end, he always wanted "some time alone." AND
he always, always made some request for oral sex in the darkened entry way or outside behind the mailboxes!
If he did suggest we get something to eat - when the server brought the ticket, he would pick it up - stare at it, then stare at me - then stare back at the ticket - then me. I understood he meant that I should give him some money.
If we all went out to eat, usually he would only put in about 500-600 yen. I paid the remaining. In fact, one time - he gave me 100 yen for an 1100 yen ticket. AND this is a man with a real full-time job.
Except for that one time/first time I declined this dubious honor. I would try to decline with explanations of: this isn't a good location, people could come by, my daughter is on the other side of the door, etc.
This just pissed him off! "You owe me! I bought you dinner last month! I bought your daughter a pair of boots before!"
'Tis true - he did buy her a cool pair of boots. And he was rather kind about it; he noted she looked sad and hoped she would feel happier.
It was these once/twice acts of niceness that kept me thinking that maybe he was not so creepy...maybe I was being unfair.
So I tried arranging actual "dates" with him - a movie? actual planned dinner? go dancing?
Nope. He would never respond to my invites, and never made a invitation.
He would just send short emails, and show up randomly.
I emailed him my concerns: that he never made actual plans with me, so I had no time to arrange another activity for my daughter to do while he and I went out. He would not email actual topics. No response to my questions on his work, day, mood. And never any questions as to mine.
Still no change from him. So, I started not answering the door. And I would reply to his emails with "That is sweet, but I am not the right girl for you. I think you should find another girl that suits you better."
I thought this indirect approach would work. He is Japanese after all! Masters of indirect meaning?! Reading the air and all?!
His behavior remained the same. Random knocks on the door and emails of "want u. miss u. dont u want me? XOXO"
Uh, no! No! No!
As I avoided him, he began to instant message me - "you have another boy? why u so mean to me?"
At first, I responded that it was not another guy, it was just we were unsuited for each other. We had nothing in common. He never wanted actual dates. AND he always wanted me to pay.
He replied that I was too mean to him, and he did not agree to stop seeing me.
I thought - okay, I will tell him I am seeing someone. Maybe THAT will be the kindest? quickest?
Oh my G-d! His response...."What? U cheat me? What kind of person are u? How u cheat on me when we dating?"
To tell the truth, I really had not thought there was anything serious going on - would anyone assume someone actually thinks you are boyfriend/girlfriend when he only emails every 2 weeks? And makes no plans? And is cheap to boot?
THEN, he told me that he will go...IF I have sex with him. That I owe him sex for his time - then he agrees to break up! AND I have to find him a new girl.
Bwa ha ha! I rolled on the floor with that one.
Then he called me a "puta." (Something I had found attractive in the beginning - he speaks Spanish, as do I. He likes salsa music, so do I. I foolishly thought we could go Salsa dancing...what was I thinking?!) And disconnected the IM chat.
The next morning...bang, bang, bang...on the door. He called my name. More banging. I ignored it.
Later I emailed him - "Do not contact me again or I will contact the police."
Ah, the joys of a country where people ARE afraid of the police. Or seemingly so. I have not heard from him since!