A Conversation, Part II

So, to tie up the varied loose ends of the conversation with the friend-boy…

We meet and went to an izakaya for beer and food.

He apologized for me getting my feelings hurt.

I sulked.

I said that even if him saying “fat, American girl” is some sort of reality, why wouldn’t he just keep his description as “oh, yeah, she’s nice.”

He said he was just giving a short answer to the girl.

I sulked more.

I said the nuance of fat and overweight is very different. Overweight is fact, fat is insult.

He said fat and overweight mean the same.

Then yelled at him in the izakaya; saying he just said that because he wouldn’t want her to think he has any other female of importance, since he spends all his time dreaming of the day she will f**k him.

I almost start crying, but stop in time to avoid meltdown.

Silence from his side of the table, coupled with a shocked look.

Summary of his response: doesn’t think of her as girlfriend, doesn’t have desire to talk to and share important thoughts with her like would with a girlfriend. Does have thoughts and desires to share thoughts with me. Does think we could “be something, make something.” Said just because he did not discuss me with her, he does talk about me with a good friend of his and his mother. Did bring up side point that I had told him before I would lose weight, but have barely done so.

I accepted his apology, views, and point on the weight.

He said this situation was actually good so that it forced us to have a more in-depth conversation.

Acceptable.Situation green.

follow-up note: He then went out of town for a few days. Upon returning, we were talking about a music promotion project. He was saying he doesn't send mp3s of his music, prefers just streaming availability, but as the project is mine and "we're dating" he agreed to release mp3s.

A Conversation, Part I

So...the friend-boy and I had an in-depth discussion this past Tuesday. Not really my original intention. I was planning on letting things glide for a handful more months; until I had stuffed so much irritation and frustration and sadness down until I would literally explode.

Okay, I'm not really that irritated. I'm just mildly jealous of his possible obsession with the singer in his band, and vaguely confused as to the status of what we are...in the scheme of relationship "being." As for him, about 98% of our face to face interaction is great. He talks a lot. I listen a lot.

The recent sitch was thus: as before mentioned, I put together a stop-motion video for the friend-boys band. We don't need to go in to how their promotional strategy seems non-existent. Live shows are barely promoted. Website messy. Videos fuzzy with poor sound quality. Anyway...FB had seen my original rough draft, and did not like it. I had some additional images input and he is opposed to too much "visual" when it's a "music" video.

On a side note, I have had a few email and chat interactions with the bands singer. I had gotten the lyrics from her so I could coordinate additional images. I also am the coordinator of the GoGirls Tokyo branch - an organization which helps female musical people network, coordinate performances, etc. She contacted me about some other performance opportunities. Anyway...she seems pleasant and we do a bit of online conversing.

When the video was completed, I posted it to youtube and on the band members facebook walls. FB made no mention of the video to me. Even though he spent 15 hours with me a day after I posted it to him.

That evening happened to be his band practice. Singer asks FB if he saw the video and if he is friends with me. Apparently something ugly occurred...seems he said something that came across to her as: "Apryl? She is nothing. A Nobody. Just some stupid fat American girl, playing around. She doesn't know what she's doing." As a concerned citizen, she emailed me with this info - sort of a word to the wise; this guy isn't such a good friend!

I did nothing with this info for a couple days. Just fumed about it. WTF? Even if he doesn't have some grand romantic illusion, how about treating a friend with respect? More fuming. Time for a "WTF?" email to be sent.

Hm, immediate reply. Says that wasn't "exactly" what he said and he will email again after work. After work, he emails again. Says he did say I was fat - 'cause its reality. But never said I was stupid or nobody. And just said video was "normal," but didn't say he didn't like it. Then says he wants to come over the next night to see me before he goes out of town. Uh...okay...

We arrange that he will come over for dinner the next night which is Monday. Monday comes - he has been asked to work a late shift and they "really really" need him. Fine. He wants to meet Tuesday night. Sure, meet near the station next to my work. Almost time to meet, he emails to say he's running late...can we meet in Shibuya instead. Fine. I'm getting more irritated by the second. I'm pissed that he has nothing to say about me but an insult, and he's going to be late and change locations for his...his what? Apology? Explanation? What?

Why are some men so clueless?

This post has nothing / little to do with Japan specifically...just a comment on men and how...uhm...how to say this politely...cluelessly rude they are?!

We all know that men (straight) men like to meet women. They watch them, they think about them, they fantasize about them, they approach them...

We also know that men, just like women, find a variety of things attractive. Some men like blonds. Some men like brunettes. Some like large breasts. Some like an athletic type body.

When a man tries the ol' pick-up lines, of which there are many - the lines often include some deviation of the girl being pretty, angelic, or the guy just tells her she is hot!

Now, rarely will you hear this:

"Hi, I wanted to get to know you because your height / weight proportionate body is very nice."
" Hey, can I buy you a drink - cause your nicely styled blond hair really turns me on. "

Instead the guy says:
"Hi, I wanted to get to know you because you seem nice and are pretty."
"Hey, can I buy you a drink - you look great tonight."

But, why do the men that find larger women appealing, think these lines work:

"Mmmm, baby. That big ol' thick body turns me on!"
" You know, I really dig fat girls."

Are these men serious? Are they clueless? Are they rude on purpose because they have some sort of big girl / humiliation fetish?

Do they think a larger girl does not want to hear "you are pretty" without the qualifier of "you are a big fat pretty girl."

Look men! If you like a girl - and some part of her appeals to your secret "turn on factor" such as: the blonde hair, the full hips, the tiny breasts, the big nose, the missing limb, whatever the fuck turns you on - the "I think you are pretty / I find you attractive" line works A LOT better without the additional qualifiers!

ps: the next time some one gives me some stupid backhanded compliment / pick up line - I might respond with "Wow! Really, cause I love a man with a short dick! I can't get enough tiny penis! And your super tiny rod is doing it for me right now!"